Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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