It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
