now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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