I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
