Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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