he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
