tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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