Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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