'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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