he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
