Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
