This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
