so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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