so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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