Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
