Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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