So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We are two peas in an std pod
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
