shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
