I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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