So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
