I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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