today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
