White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
