The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
