Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
