Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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