How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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