Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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