About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
