Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
