Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
