My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
