you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
