it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
