Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
