and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
