i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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