How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
