just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
