There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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