I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
