And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
