honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
