Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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