the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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