So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
