maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
