My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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