also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
