Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
