The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
