i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
